Justin O’Connell: Bitcoin skeptics don’t understand one important thing: that virtual currencies are already here and they’ll have, most likely, no effect whatsoever on that. First of all, everyone knows that the Federal Reserve acts as a plague of egomania blinding all of society to its self-important cruel and insane way of living. That’s mostly because former Associated Student Body kids are running monetary policy. That means two things: 1) the tattle-tellers are in charge and 2) they’re still sucking on the teet of some wrinkly and pungent Principal, now referred to as a “President”, who is still wearing a suit and tie day-in, day-out nonetheless. And, that’s with all due respect to the President of course. But, really, some shady building down the block known as the “district office” or, in adult life, the Pentagon, is really responsible for the whole thing. These former Associated Student Body reps are faithful to the number one drug-pusher on the streets: Starbucks. Sipping on some Joe for many years in a row, stooped in habit, has led to a numbed state of yes-saying, a hallucination where straight ahead is the only mode.